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Lexus Has A Holiday Song, And It Makes Me So Fucking Mad

FUCK! It’s officially Christmas time, God help us all.

Look, I’ll spare you the ‘commercialization of Christmas’ bullshit, if only because

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A) I’m sure somebody much more qualified to speak on the subject has already said it better than I could, and

B) we only say that shit because nobody’s buying us toys and lying about who bought them to make you feel special anymore, plus now WE have to spend money on shit for other people just to feel like good people for a few days before New Year’s and that’s a poor time to call bullshit without questioning your personal motivations first.

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Anyway, I can ignore about 84% of the Non-Specific Corporate Holiday Sale™-related content, and maybe even have fun with 15 percent one way or another... But these fucking Lexus Commercials, man. They rustle my jimmies, because I’ve realized that I now track the beginning of Christmas season by the first time I got mad about hearing that fucking song!

Appropos to nothing, here’s Exhibit A:

Do you see how manipulative all this is? Young, hip straight people, generically ‘cool’ and ‘upscale’, being super excited to receive... a bland-ass mid-model Lexus?

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I’ll admit, that’s unreasonable by itself-the IS series is pretty sporty, always fairly decent looking and can be 2JZ and LS1 swapped, plus it’s a free car in context-but how does he just know that the song means ‘Lexus’? I mean, there’s a lot of Christmas songs, right? Well, it’s simple. They own it.

Steve Kujala sold Family and Friends to Lexus in 1999 and never looked back, which, good for him! I wasn’t gonna suddenly send him lyrics and/or a stop-motion Christmas movie to put it in, might as well get what you can from the highest bidder, right?

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Here’s Exhibit B:

The song itself is kinda soothing and not completely terrible-like, if you were on hold you’d probably murder everything in striking distance of your dominant leg, but in your Christmas Eve playlist, between Little Drummer Boy and the Nutcracker waltz you’d never notice it... But you’ll never even want it there, because you hear the first four measures and all you can think is LEXUS.

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I just find it disgusting that a premium/luxury brand has found a way to snake into everyone’s collective holiday conscience. And if you think I’m being ridiculous, keep in mind these commercials helped sell Lexus RXs to every fucking body and probably got your favorite car discontinued in favor of a flimsy crossover that’s miserable to actually drive.

Maybe reality is ridiculous.

And the worst of it is that, YouTube being what it is, there’s thirstbuckets out there willing to parrot the same 4 measures on whatever dumb instruments they can, but won’t ever credit the composer! Exhibit C:

This disease even afflicted the composer, causing him to do this:

C’mon, fam.

Come.

On.

Nothing is sacred.

Merry Christmas!

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